Archive for July 22nd, 2010


Healer Non Grata

July 22, 2010

It’s been a while, a long while! And between posting here and then not posting here I put WoW on the back-burner. For almost two months, I didn’t play at all. But then my fiancé was invited to join an accomplished guild that had been around since Vanilla and was reforming. (Perhaps more on this later.) They needed healers, too. So, with my account reactivated, I found myself in ICC again.

At first, everything is peachy. I’m a happy little bubble tossing discipline priest, but we merge with Rage, sort of the raiding guild on the server. That’s ok though. I’m ok, anyway. We have too many discipline priests in the guild, so either the officer or the recruit has to go holy. That lucky priest is the recruit, me. So I do my research and re-gem some, but no one is impressed with my numbers. But so far, still doing pretty good. I go to fights I’m familiar with, and I don’t die very often…

Until we de-merge.

We do regular Sindragosa 25. I die, but the guild makes it through without me. Sindrago 10, I die. Lich King– I don’t die. Yay! Dead Lich King! Heroic Sindragosa 25? I die, die, DIE!

At this point, my Healing CL– let’s call him, umm, Lactose thinks having two discipline priests isn’t so bad since we’ve picked up a better holy priest. Last night we did heroic Dreamwalker, and I was a happy holy priest. For heroic Sindragosa, I was asked to go disc. Normally, I would be thrilled, but I continually died to blistering cold. I didn’t die every time, only twice, but I died because of lag. (I have a pretty awful internet connection since I moved back to my hometown a couple of months ago.) So I switched back to holy so I could get out of blistering cold via Body and Soul. To sum it up, I didn’t die to blistering cold after that, but my heals fell behind until I was at the bottom of the healers– several of us healers below my fiancé, Sunstrike, who is a ret paladin.  I died once to Backlash when two people failed to get in the correct places for the ice tombs. I died two or three times to Unchained Magic,  and only one was my fault. After I killed myself that way, I was very careful to watch for the debuff to fall away.

There really isn’t much else to say about it. I was humiliated. I wanted to log off halfway through night, throw in the towel. I couldn’t seem to stop dying to stupid things. Overall, my heals weren’t so good and my survivability was terrible. But I thought there were moments when I did really well. I lived and healed until we got Sindragosa to one percent health. But my fellow raiders don’t see it that way. They remember me dying when it counted–literally, those times when Lactose read out every mistake after we wiped. I don’t recall my mistakes being first on the list, almost always at the end, but every time he read them out, he mentioned Lucasta.

So now I’m in a pickle. One bad night has made me healer non grata. Lactose and I have become friends, but he told me (after I asked) that if other healers were on, he would pick them over me until I started to improve. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t pick me either. But he did say something nice. I wish I had preserved the conversation, but basically,

“If I didn’t already have respect for you, I would respect you now because of your willingness to talk about this and your calm, rationalized responses to every one of my criticisms tonight.”

Yeah, very cheesy. But, seriously…

He also reassured me that I’m not the worst healer in the guild. I may not be the best, but I am smart and have a care. I’m just so embarrassed. I do not know if I can bounce back from that. I am not even sure I am strong enough to try. Part of me really might like to crawl  in a hole until the Cataclysm. And to be honest, I’m sure that no one in my guild would miss me right now.